Thinkin' Out Loud

So the other night, I’m “chillin” in the sauna after a hard workout, when this mexican guy walks in and asks, “Do you mind if I make it hotter?”  I say, “no…  go for it dude….”   so he gets up, walks over to the water faucet and starts spraying water up into the air splashing it all over the wall.  After about a minute he sits back down and says to me, “thermostat, in wall.”  I nod and say, “ok… I gotcha” and after a couple of minutes, the sauna is blazin’ and I’m sweating like not one, but two pigs.

After a few more minutes he says to me, “you here for weight loss?”  I nod again and say, “yep, I’ve lost 110 lbs in the last two years”.  He says “good, I teach weight loss in Mexico”.  So…  in my head I’m thinking…  here we go…  he’s going to tell me how to lose weight and tell me how to lose weight is exactly he did.

He starts off by telling me how to shrink my belly area by wrapping Saran Wrap around my body and sitting in the sauna for an hour.  He also tells me that I should go out and spray water all over my body every 10 minutes.  So I’m like, “ok…  whatever dude…”  Next he tells me about working my ab muscles… something I’m already doing with my personal trainer, he goes through the process of explaining that by tightening my abdominal muscles it will pull my loose skin in.  He then tells me, “oh yeah, before Saran Wrap, put cooking oil all over stomach.”  At this point I’m just entertaining him… so I say, “ok, I’ll look into doing that.”

After the cooking demonstration he starts talking about what I should be eating, or drinking that is…   He tells me to make a 1 liter “shake” each morning and drink it all day long and replace all of my meals with it.

The basic recipe is as follows:

1. 8 raw eggs (2 yolks, 8 whites)
2. 1 banana (tips green, no browns)
3. 1 apple (cheap, not expensive?)
4. Ice

Fill blender to the top with the ice, etc…  and blend…  There may have been other ingredients that I missed, it was very hard to understand his broken english.  but, it sounds yummie, doesn’t it?

So at this point and soaking wet from all of the extra heat in the tiny little sauna room so I say to the guy, I’m sorry man, but I gotta get out here…  I’m sweating like two pigs.  He chuckles, tells me his name (Miguel) and I exit the room cracking up (in my head).

Needless to say, I won’t be trying his mexican voodoo weight loss plan.

Posted from Ukiah, California, United States.